I should probably stop deceiving myself. And stop deceiving you.
My mood is actually fluctuating so wildly within so short a period, I'm not sure how long I can carry on this way. I never used to be this way.
One minute I could be writing to you about soya milk, volleyball and underaged handsome musicians... the other minute I could be weeping buckets of silent tears in my room.
Perhaps starting this blog has been my own way of trying to convince myself that all can still be normal and that I can still have the capacity to think and talk about other issues. But one month and many blogs later, I feel that perhaps, all these have been a frivolous waste of time. It is ridiculous to think that life is, or can be, as simple as those entries that I typed and you read. Life is much more. And there are many things that words cannot tell.
Perhaps I should end my blog adventure here. Almost exactly one mth since I started. I should probably not lead myself or you on further. I'm simply wasting your time. Friends used to say I'm such a 'people's magnet' because I'm always 'bright-eyed' and 'full of positive energy'. But nowadays, close friends ask me to go tan more, they say I look a sickly white.
Part of me is dead. What do you expect?
3 comments:
ah tien, see you like that, i also feel sad. sigh.
know u muz b going thru a rough patch in life now. each and every of ur entry touches me... let not this hiccup in life strike you down. Days can only get better from now on. Muster all your determination and courage, face life more positively. we're still young. In front of us, there's still a long way to go. There're still lotsa excitements and fun out that that await us to discover.
Your future is waiting for you to shape. Your destiny lies in your hand. Don't despair, don't give up. Remember - time heals all wound. It will, if you believe it does. Believe in yourself, ah tien. You can do it! jia you, ok?
don't know what exactly happened, but it seems that you are still quite troubled by something that happened in the past. maybe you should just look and reflect on what you have gained through this experience, instead of lamenting on what you have lost...
"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
To Pinksmurrfy: thanks for ur encouragement. everything u've said made sense. but the mind and the heart are two pieces of machinery working (sometimes in tandem), many times in isolation of each other. i'd try my best to find some balance.
To Anonymous: indeed, when one door closes, another opens... but this door that has just closed.. none can ever replace. my mum has gone to the heavens. too early & too suddenly.
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