Saturday

Today, me, M and D (who just arrived from S'pore) went for a movie "Deja Vu" downtown. I just want to check out how a NY theatre is like. USD 10 bucks. And there were less than 15 souls in the 164 pax capacity, well-furnished theatre for the noon show starring sauve, intelligent and hunky Denzel Washington.

After that, we caught a 2.5hr Greyhound cross-state bus to New Jersey to visit uncle. Managed to catch beautiful, unobstructed sunset along the way. And for the first time since I set off on this trip to US, thoughts of mama begin to really fill my mind. Her smiling, peaceful face somehow seem to emerge (very clearly) from beyond the clouds that followed the bus, as I made the journey to NJ. It's not anything frightening, just something very maternal, and very beautifully sad. It aroused in me, an intense sense of guilt. Since mama's passing, I have always and will always remember how much she had wanted to make this journey to US to visit Uncle. Her lifetime dream was to travel on a first-class air tic in all comfort and make this trip. And I (and I believe papa too) will always carry around this guilt that we did not manage to fulfil this 'to-do' item of hers (though I could probably have afforded to, if I scrimped a bit towards the end). So frankly, there was actually quite a bit of pain involved, this NJ journey. It's weird, I see this partly as helping mama fulfil something that she wanted (less the first class tic), yet at the same time, I deem it my failure to enable mama to make this journey herself. It was a solemn, guilt-laden, teary 2.5hr ride that had me drifted off to lala land towards the end.

I'm here now. In the same, beautiful, newly-renovated double-storey 'castle' in Voorhees. 6 yrs ago, I was here, en route to Canada for my undergrad exchange prog. 6 yrs later, I'm back. There's this chinese saying: wu(4) shi(4) ren(2) fei(1).

I hope mama is with me now from her first-class comfort from high up there. This is the second-best option I guess. I am so sorry.

To all of you out there, help fulfil ur loved ones' wishes now, while u still can. Money can be earned. Time will not wait.