Sun night, I attended an almost fairytale-like wedding of a God-loving, handsome couple. ~85 tables at Ritz Carlton! Holy moo moo... The sheer scale of the celebration is enough to make Cinderella blush... White roses & sprightly greens adorned the tables and little lacy bundles of nepalese soap daintily sitting by the side for guests to bring home. Exquisite dishes impeccably served by polite waiters/waitresses, divided into munchable portions. The screens projecting the two happy faces, tracing their courtship days to vow-saying moments. The candles casting a long, warm glow as the eloquent couple made their thank-you speeches. It seemed almost perfect.
But the night ended with a slightly bitter after-taste. Got to hear from a gal pal some updates about a guy pal. Haiz, we used to be pretty close pallies for more than half a year as we slogged through days & nights. But he's always been a fiercely private person. In the immediate period after we graduated, there's still the occasional sms-es & emails. And then, the disappearing acts started to begin. A bigger workaholic than I am, I believe he totally immersed himself into work - maybe because of a real big innate desire to compete and excel, or perhaps also so that he wouldn't have the time/energy to care about other stuff. I guess I can never quite understand his mentality.
But I know I am hugely disappointed. And angry. At my failure to get him to keep in touch with me. And at his failure to voluntarily keep in touch with me. Why does he not return the occasional sms-es?? Why must he always live his life in distinct, independent phases??? I am upset for I thought I am a friend whom he treasures a little bit more, and who perhaps stands a chance of having the privilege to be updated as we progress through our different phases. Afterall, there's quite a bit of sweat and blood shed together in our younger days..
I am definitely happy that he is so successful now. But I am also very perplexed. And upset enough to write this piece in the vain hope that he'd get to read this somehow.
What an idiot.
5 comments:
oh. can feel your disappointment... since your last-last email. hey gal, sometimes, gotta give the guy his time/space. could be a lot of time/space to you, but may not mean a long time/big space to him. men are complicated. (like women.) haha. he'll show up again sometime, somehow. be patient. maybe he sees that you're doing ok and you know, many people just don't bother to keep in touch. it is a lot of effort - trust me, i'm the try-my-best-to-keep-in-touch-with-everyone-fish but i still lose some fish, oops, friends.
but when you bump into him ten years later, i can assure you, nothing would have changed between the two of you. (even if looks have changed.) it's like that.
a super high-flyer (whom i consider a friend) that i used to "slave" for, has not sent me a single email/SMS, and probably does not care if i'm dead or alive, since i left my fish pond. while i was briefly back in the pond and met him at CJ for dinner, things were still the same between us.
it's like that, gal. life's like that.
don't take it too seriously. will go mad.
I agree with your fish pal ...
like i said, constant smses are just one way to show you care and might not be the best way to achieve true intimacy - which will remain, if it's really true, even without constant reminders.
Anyways, things are all cleared up now ... he reflected and i'm sure you reflected too since you said you know i was trying to tell you ...
Hang loose more, like the fish pal says too, and let some chaos have some reign sometimes ... might do wonders ...
frankenfish, tks for the kind words of encouragement & everlasting support. u are the best fish ever, and believe it or not, i draw much strength from u.
dodo, maybe if u've gotten to know him, u'd get a clearer pic of the situation. if he sms-es, that is a great deal liao. am not quite sure about the 'all cleared up' part & the choice of word - 'reflected', coz really, i think he would shake his head fervently in bewilderment if he ever chances upon this page. what a big storm in a teacup, he'd think. 'reflection' is just too serious a term to use. he probably just wanted to pacify me. not that i mind of course.
This is the second time Im writing on your blog, partner.
Yes, I remember we have talk about this during our six months stint ages ago (its been a long time. sigh.) Juz want to say that I have never forgotten you.
I believe I have said this before, you will always be special, partner...
thanks part, for the very kind words. =)
the return of inner peace... yippee!
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