The Past Week

20 Oct 2010 (Wed)
On a down day like this, looking at family pics brings tears to my eyes and a lump to the throat. While I feel blessed to be born into a loving family, the raw pain of separation is something to contend with. 5.5yrs down the road, I still miss my mum - and I’m glad I do, for otherwise how cold and heartless a creature I must have turned into?

When others turn their backs on me, she’d be around. She may not have high educational qualifications, but she has great common sense and social grace. She may demand for time and attention, but she’d always willingly gives more than she receives. There are, up to now, just a couple of regrets in my life, and one of them is my failure to provide more for her when she was around. As a beginning salarygirl, I worked too hard and earned too little back then. While recognition and opportunities may come my way, at the end of the day, I guess it’s just not worth it.

Thankfully, dad is still around, and pray, may that be so for many more years to come. I wonder what I'd do without him.

21 Oct 2010 (Thur)
Caught up with my good old fish pal again, this time over Korean authenticities. As usual, it was a totally comforting chat, though over not-so-comforting issues. I'm deeply appreciative of the fact that, despite having to battle her own demons, she's ever willing to listen and share the load. And the fact that she can see both perspectives and offers advice in her usual straightforward, non-patronising and non-judgemental style makes her a god's gift, particularly during bleak times. Coincidental as it may be, she is always somehow around at the right time. Perhaps our fates are interwinned. And may it remain so for a long time to come, in wherever lands we end up being.

23 Oct 2010 (Sat)
After 5 days of non-communication, the ice was finally broken yesterday evening. The issue was yet resolved but the breaking of ice was a big reliver. For someone whose language of love looks to be words (spoken or written), total news blackout is a real torture, something that shakes faith and causes sad loss of sanity. Love is such a double-edged sword. It has the capacity to elevate you to unfathomable heights of sweet passion, yet is also capable of plunging you into the deep abyss of pain and disappointment. Does this mean then, that one should retreat into hermit's hole in order to protect oneself? Pain aside, I think otherwise. If one has not experienced the different intensities of emotions - of happiness and sadness, of separation and unification, - one would have lived a life of a straight line. Completely safe and, perhaps, completely incomplete. So step out there, and do what the heart beckons. May the haze (pun intended) clears soon.