make, keep, break

It has always been quite easy for me to make friends. Some say it's becoz I have an outgoing, cheerful and sincere personality, am a good listener who empathizes well, and can take jokes/ribbing goodnaturedly. I perhaps am what they say. But of course, there's also the sadder, darker, quieter, more aloof side of me that some of you know (or caught glimpses of thru this blog).

And I am starting to think about something else - I perhaps cannot keep friends as well as I'd like to. Huh? U might ask. Yeps, u've read me right.

Well, recently had a conversation with an overseas pal who was "chilled to the bone" by the 'exasperation' in the online conversation we had about friendship - communication needs/methods/objectives, personal space, pre-conceived judgements etc. It was a heavy exchange that set both of us off on a reflection mode..

Now, this is a complex issue to talk about, esp in written form, so I'm not even trying to sort it all out right here (plus there's probably no rights or wrongs at the end of it all).. just taking it as an avenue to think aloud. =P.

It's not that I do not have close pals who'd be willing to drop all their stuff in a sec and rush over in times of need. It's just that I think I may have even more of them if I'm willing to be (1) more aggressive in the maintenance of buddyship (instead of leaving it mainly to faith & fate and the usual catch-ups thru sms/email/call/kopi/dinner/movie), and (2) more accepting of alternative deepset beliefs and behaviours that happen to clash with my own deepset ideologies (one close pal says that sometimes, I hold on too strongly to my own principles and views of right & wrong, and subconciously, gradually 'shut' out those who do not share my notions..)

I think.. I am generally an easy-going character, willing and able to accept a great diversity of personalities and opinions (in fact, I thrive on diversity in many aspects), and I definitely respect people's wish to have their private space & time (much as I expect them to give me mine).. but I also agree, there are some areas which are rather clear-cut 'little compromise' zones.. and when disagreements sprout in these regions, I have little hesitation rooting my own stand..

Having clear definitions helps one make decisions easily in life and sleep better at night. But I guess it also does considerable harm to some friendships/relationships..

Still in reflection.