Money Shock

Terrible terrible terrible...

Yesterday evening, dear papa told me a cheque bounced. BOUNCED?! How can that be?! This 'family-expense' account's been passed down by mama and it's always been in secure comfortable black. Must be some silly mistake made by some sloppy souls. At that moment, I drew my fangs out and the battle path is clear - I WILL COMPLAIN.

Horror of all horrors... when I went to the atm to get my ammunition figures, that flimsy paperprint showed one single dismal digit... My heart stopped and then dropped. Mama must have done a somersault up there. What the *#$@%^%#* happened to the $$?

Then I remembered... the recent colossal bills incurred for the new flat, for the agent, for the renovations... on top of the monthly budgeted outflow. Standing at that silent lifeless machine, as I quickly did a transfer between accounts, my heart wept tears of shame and guilt. I am not ashamed of having a cheque bounced, or of seeing a lone digit in a printslip. What I am guilty and ashamed about is the fact that mama has always tried her hardest to maintain this account such that no cheques are returned, even during periods when the hospital bills drained a big chunk out of it, she will remember to find ways to top it up. AND WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING??? There's no more mama, no more medicine/surgery/hospitalization bills, no more nothing, and I cannot even managed to keep track of figures and ensure basic sufficiency?! And what good my monthly salary and upcoming pay rise then, when all it fattens is the personal account while the family's languishes in despair..

I am very, very ashamed of my complacency.

I am truly sorry mama. This will not happen again.