What the

I am convinced that the heavens is playing a big joke. A nasty, cruel, evil, humourless joke. On a defenceless being.

Does it envy my love for the chinese new year? Does it envy the close-knitedness of my family? Does it envy my warmth, sincerity and 'sociability'?

Is it bloody hell trying to take all these away and more????????

Must bad things keep happening within this short span of a year and during this period? Is it trying to make me hate/fear the cny, physically and irreversibly separate my family, and turn me into a cold, negative, sceptical introvert???

This time, my grandaunt. A grand dame at 88, she fell and hit her back and head on Sunday. We went to A&E with other relatives. She was discharged as an outpatient because X-ray scans turned up no broken bones/blood clots. But tues (yesterday), she vomitted several times, and was admitted to stay. And I (damn it) just received that bloody phone call saying that her condition is critical, with heart beating at only 40% of norm.

Is this all a joke! If it is, then it is not in the least funny! All these stupid things are turning me into a cold, amoured creature, the exact opposite of how I used to be. Ma's and grandpa's passing are already making it very very difficult to get back on track. Now this, are you trying to make it impossible for me not to change?

So, what next??

From,
an angry, powerless, frustrated, perplexed, disheartened and disillusioned soul.