Yellow

30/9/06, Sat, 3.20pm

Did you attend the Yellow Ribbon Concert last week?

I'm watching the repeat telecast on tv right now. Would definitely have gone if not for the mad marking rush...

My goodness. The songs, their voices, the emotions... are all so goosebumps-inducing. It's like they are really baring all, nothing to hide, not wishing to hide. Their sincerity, their remorse, their desire to be accepted back into society... This appeal to humanity is so raw, it hurts. They sing with so much conviction, it hurts to see them perform.

Someone said - "Forgive them, so that they can forgive themselves".

Support the Yellow Ribbon Project.

post-musical scribbles on bed

Thurs, 11.36pm, bathed and @ home

Well, musical's nice (and this comes from someone who doesn't really fancy ancient stories). Kit Chan's pretty solid. Don't know how she maintains her vocals for such intense performance every night. Pi(2) Pa(2) Gao(1) would have found the ultimate spokesperson in her.. The VIP seats weren't too VIP-ish afterall (no special escorts/no complementary drinks/no superhigh cushions for short ppl like me etc), think those Cat 2 circle seats would have done just as well.

The night itself went so-so. Had nice drinks and food at the chic English teahouse - "V-Tea" @ Esplanade before performance. Chat during then was fine - usual comfortable stuff, like back to Aussie strolls.

Not sure if he really enjoyed the musical though, but realised he wasn't really into discussing about the perfomance per se - sets, music, cast etc. Somehow gave a feeling like it's just another performance to him... hmmm.

Didn't go for drinks after musical. And during ride home, topics were "heavier" e.g. citizenship and stuff... I thought the mood was quite solemn or even 'half-hearted'. Not sure if it's coz too tired.

I thought the night could have ended better.

Scribbled on a napkin

Thurs, 6.04pm, Library @ Esplanade

Only 1 word to describe - Shiok.

Utterly blissful. =)

Am now sitting alone on a comfortable leather chair at the S'pore Art Cafe within Library @ Esplanade, sipping my warm mocha, gazing out through the full length windows at the clear blue sky, with a very nice soothing modern version of "Somewhere over the rainbow" playing in the background, and some exam scripts in front of me. There is nothing more that I could have wanted at this very moment. Everything is just... perfect.

The mood... is neither too solemn nor too crazy - there's a group nearby chatting about the arts scene; some individuals reading intently; a guy surfing wirelessly; a fellow nurturer lost in marking; the gentle whirl of coffee machine humming away...

In another 2 hrs time, I'd be going to catch the musical "Forbidden City". Paid a thick wad for a premium seat. Hope it'd all turn out beautifully.

mr nice-pics

I just saw some very very nice photographs taken by a fren of a fren. Wonderfully composed shots of sunsets, snow scenes, rocks, flower petals and nepalese people.. pics that sent shivers down ur spine and make you want to shake off everything here and go see what he saw. My god, this guy has big talent. And really, who can beat men with talent and passion? They exude so much charm through their works, bees can literally drown in honey (erhm, not sure if it makes sense, but it just sounds right).

I can only wish I have half the talent in photo-taking as he has. But first, it would be good to get to know him. Haha.

before and now

Hmmmm... a young bright thing just zoomed past. Clickety click click of the heels with a very purposeful rhythmn. For a min, I paused in my marking and thought - hey, I used to be like that too! With a big sparkle in my eyes, and a thousand-watt smile, I used to stride along with great confidence in the earlier years too. =) Well, not to say that I am not so now I guess.. but it's really a little different. I think... I now walk with confidence still, but also with a sense of 'weight' (not sure if it's the best word). Not quite bursting with unbridled, light-headed optimism and idealism although still hopeful and gunning for the best. The gait now is tinged with a big shade of realism, of 'knowing the constraints'...

Perhaps this is what they call 'maturity'? Not a fabulous state if you ask me, for I think the child-like innocence and cheery sanguinity will always be tops. The believing in Santa Claus, Enid Blyton tales and all things nice and sweet... no wonder few like to grow up.

unplanned break

Yippee yeah yeah. Today, amazingly, managed to hit target when it's still only evening! So decided to take a breakie and pay the ex-IMF-venue a visit. Jio-ed papa to Marche dinner (yummy sausage + rosti, black pepper seafood pizza, & ERDINGER of coz), followed by a 1hr window-shop, then cappucino & hot choc & brownie. Yumz! Now, on a caffeine high, I can't zzz.. =P will go flip some newspapers... or maybe i'd pick up the red pen again.. or maybe not.

friday night

Had MOS dinner with MLL yesterday @ the new IMM extension. It's been a long time since we last caught up... since almost a mth ago? Very good to see her again and chat! Being the married personnel that she is, the pearls of wisedom that oodled out concerning compatibility, compromise and investment of time + energy into life pie were indeed refreshing and heartfelt. =) (but hey MLL, I shd have taken the MRT instead.. that bus took me twice the amt of time to get home =P)

@ MOS yest, an unfortunate incident happened.. saw a parent holding a crying toddler with a really bloodied head in his arms. A blood-stained towel pressed against the scalp, bloodstained tiny fingers resting on the dad's blood-splotched lined shirt... they said the toddler fell and hit her head.. goodness. I hope her wound's cleaned up, stitched up and that she's not in too much shock by now. *shudder*

Going back to finger-exercise again. It'd be another weekend of intense marking. =P

happy hatchday

Today is boss's bday. Some of us got a huge 4kg DURIAN cake for him!! Haha, wise choice. So superbly yummy I tell you - creamy, thick and interspersed with lots of chewable durian chunks, and the taste simply lingers in your mouth long after the cake's gone down the oesophagus. Super! =) Took a peek @ the address of bakery. For those interested, check out "Blk 517, Jurong West.. some place called Kele Confectionery". They said it's not spankily chic, but boy, how delicious the Liew Lian cake. =)

The parent hasn't appeared yet. Hope he wouldn't appear today, at least let boss spend a peaceful day without having his blood pressure raised/blood vessels burst/throat screamed hoarse lah. He can come another time.

Bye now, I'm going to walk around a bit and digest my 2 big slices of liew lian cake. *hee*

thurs, going on to fri...

After a few times of postponement, we finally had the post-trip briefing to round things up - shared reflections, learning points and intended programmes for future. Was a meeting that started in late evening and stretched into early nite.

It's nice to see all of them again. Felt like it's back to the less hectic, more reflective days spent in aussie.. definitely more humane. Sighz, miss those times, especially now that almost everyone ard me appears to be losing herself/himself amongst the stacks of scripts.. it's a tornado, catches everything that comes within an inch of this whirlwind.

the parent's saga is still unfolding. it's like some hong kong drama serial, full of twists & turns.. so energy-zapping. hope the No. 1 can handle it once and for all during tomorrow's 'showdown'... without causing any heads to roll.

weekend's coming, but there are no feelings of exhilaration.. in fact, i quite dread its impending arrival. it only means i'm one step closer to DEADline.. anyone willing to wield red pen for 50cents/script?? =P

of joys today

Today has been a good day. Several ups that made me feel like I must have gone up several notches closer to heaven:

1) (this is not exactly a pc of exhilarating news, more of a "relief" actually)
- a continuation to the "tough day @ work - fri, 15 sept" - the mediation at tutor, SH, HOD level all hit blank wall. am glad in a way to hand it over to VP.. he too, got pushed near the brink of frustration by these kiddos & their mixed-up values. it's like trying to tame some foreign raging bull. the parent rang me up 1.5hr ago.. thank buddha i can be v firm and eloquent when i need to. no pushover but no arrogant tyrant either. i listened and reiterated the rightful, official stance. what's important is i know my conscience is clear and i can still sleep at night. looks like we've got quite a big battle looming ahead. i really am just looking for a win-win.

2) (this is THE gift of the day)
- boss gave a very public, big dose of endorsement during meeting today. and he was actually conveying a msg from the higher-ups at hq. this was the clearest & biggest pat on head as yet, and i'm not ashamed to admit that i'd probably replay the words one more time in my head b4 i hit the sack tonite. it's feedback abt my 'performance' during the recent aussie study trip (gosh, i didn't even think officers were being assessed for the trip's objectives were to establish links and review systems & processes, not people). If there was a cloud in that room then, i'd have been bouncing on it. silly me think i may just do a quick jot of those musical words of praise somewhere - the joy at having been acknowledged and appreciated is pure.. =) thank you, all of you who've put in a good word. many thanks. *hee*

3) (this is definitey also a good gift)
- went marking with twin & hl at new cathay' starbucks. initially it was just a spontanous decision btw twin & myself in early morning, then hl asked too, so all went together. frankly, i miss twin. all these while that we 'spent apart', yeah.. there's a little of an invisible wall, but ultimately, there's still an underlying sense of warmth & ease, one that connects two. and i'd really hope that whatever mysteriously happened 2 yrs+ ago that dampened it will magically appear this time to reverse & solidify it. another small step forward - bonding thru red pen wielding.

Thank u (from up above) for the joys bestowed upon me today. I'm ur humble servant.

non-thinking zone

just woke up groggy-headed from a 50min cat nap.. when the sky is dark to when the sky is still dark.. dragged my almost 3-decades old bones reluctantly out of soft warm bed.. to turn on this computer to (hopefully) do some work.. half of me is totally prepared to flop right back to la la land after i finish crikety type this entry. today has been (dunno why) so tiring. perhaps, i should just succumb to Lady Rest.

lost in red ticks/crosses

Escaped to Chomp Chomp just now for a reunion with local delicacies. After 2 frantic afternoons of wielding red pens and trying to understand the sometimes incomprehensible kiddo statements, I decided it's time to redeem some sanity. Back into the warm embrace of sambal lala, bbq chic wings, grilled stingray, fried hokkien mee, satay & ice-cold sugar cane juice! Yeah, next stop's the loo, with some digestion-aiding pills. =P Then, it'd be back to red pens and the incomprehensible mountains again.

tough day @ work

Had a tough day in sch today. Had to be mediate a complex case, try to appease parents & students, and get ppl to give each other chances. Soothing frayed nerves is never easy, and today, had to use one of the widest range of tools I've ever done b4 - mediate, reason, counsel, persuade, straight-talk, cajole, enforce... soft, hard approach all in. What an afternoon. I was more zapped than if I had to face 40 rowdy monkeys. But I pulled through, and earned the sincere respect of some - as their smses that followed told me. Well, as long as we've tried our best and the conscience is clear, i guess, it's good enough. Can't control everything anyways... right? *good luck...*

The timing could probably have been much better, but late evening, one of my study trip mates suggested coffee & catch up. Tired and heavy-hearted from the earlier session, I was really quite ready to give it a miss. In the end, he drove by and we met up. And I'm glad it's quite a comfortable session, nothing too strenous.. Not sure whether it helped that I mentioned right from start that it hadn't been a great day, and I wasn't in a truly "entertaining" mood. But it turned out ok.

All I want to do now is to hide in my room, wriggle under my blankets, and try to get the heavy stuff out of my head.

Of Friends

Today's wolf's bday. A big kind man he is. Like some big bear who's always willing to help damsels in distress, but a bear who's also rather easily excited and distracted. Hopefully, marriage has stabilized him down much by now. I'd surely remember the times when he'd pop by with all sorts of wacky suprises and do the unthinkables, be it delivering breakfasts, bending wires, drawing on pumpkins and what not. This man, steals the hearts of sweet young things, as easily as flicking a switch. Thank god I'm outta his league. =0 Happi Birthdae wolf buddy! (if you are reading this)

I thank my super lucky stars, for the many amazing people who have miraculously timed their entries into my life at the various crucial pts. Many times, at some crunch, or when someone leaves, another will enter. They are not exact substitutes, but they write their own stories in my life. I treasure them all. Those who've left (intentionally/unintentionally), thanks for all the beautiful memories. I grow, because of you. Those who've entered (by luck/fate/destiny), thanks for bringing so much warmth at times when it's so cold.

I hope my lucky stars will never lose their way.

nibbles

Just 2 days and am already right back into thick of action. Thank god it's the kiddos' prelims period, so can still buy some time to clear the mountains that miraculously emerged over the past week (+ some backlog from b4 break).

Several times these few days, it's a herculean struggle to keep those heavy eyelids from drooping.. just when you have gotten used to catching multiple cat-naps on those long coach rides in ozzieland.

Call it the 'immediate post-trip nostalgia effect' or what, but there have been more than a couple of smses flying around between some of us in the study group. The last time something like that happened... was probably about 2 or 3 yrs ago? When people come together for a common mission above self, the bonding is always easiest, especially in foreign land where inhibitions are fewer I guess.

Final reflection

Back home. Touched down at midnight this morning. Finished unpacking at abt 2am and back in sch invigilating exams a few hours later. =P

It's been something like a whirlwind trip. Everyday's been jammed packed with site visits and sharing sessions that threatened to zap up every ounce of brain energy, but it's been highly enlightening and refreshing to see education through a different pair of specs, with officers from varied specializations. The aussie way of doing things may not be quite as neatly structured, or even efficient like ours, but is definitely more humane, and more effective in reaching out and touching hearts. Soul food.

Personally, the take-home is great. Am reguvenated after spending 9 days with mostly like-minded souls - people who sincerely want to positively impact the system. We may criticize and debate heatedly over established norms, but it's always done in a constructive manner, for betterment. Positive synergy abound, there is hope yet.

I'm going to miss some of them - unassumable bosses who share not just advice and jokes, but also beer and chips; officers who made efort to ease us into their unique working culture; fellow sch personnel who provided support & shared ideas. Some, I'm going to miss a little more, for there is this truly sincere, almost freakish ease with which we forge the friendship & share similar values... Coming together of great minds? Meeting of the right ones? Fair-weather pallies? Only time will truly tell I guess.

But for now, I'm already very grateful. Another 19 strangers acquainted. Hopefully, a few friendships will run marathons.

A working holiday, so what?

One scary thing is, I feel myself even more assured of own ability upon return. More in control. Perhaps it's the broadening of perspective at a different level with some sprinklings of affirmation.

Connections' made, it's time to put together a report and get the rest to start shuffling along.

The world out there is an oyster, not a small smelly si(2) ham(1).

Photos III:

Awesome stadium @ Sydney Olympic Park - hope our new National Stadium will be as great, if not better =)


Me and the Sydney Habour Bridge


The Sydney Opera House - wish we have had e time for a performance..


The study group - on rooftop of Parliament House.. Thanks for the memories!!

2nd reflection

Day 8 (Sat)

Okay, coming to an end liao. Just 1 more day to go, then it's back to S'pore.

Well, must say that I'm really impressed by just how environmentally-conscious the aussies are, how involved their institutions are with the general community and education of the young, how big a role sports play in the ordinary aussie's lives, by the infrastructure and space they have, and by their sincere willingness to share.

Am also glad to know another 19 ppl from red dot, amongst whom a few of them seem to have the potential to be pallies beyond this trip. Some have taken good care of me and I'm truly thankful - mature men do really have their charm. =)

Oh well, thinking of going back, there's just so much to tie up, so much resources to lug back, so many people to share with. I really hope they'd go on and build things up from the scaffold I've put together. Am stimulated and excited by the vast opportunities available over here in oz and hope I can go back and excite the rest too.

Byes, thanks for all the memories. Been a great trip.

Photos II:

Futuristic installation outside of the National Museum of Australia


Snow-walking at beautiful Snowy Mountains


Fly-fishing at Lake Crakenback


Site visit at Australia Institute of Sports


Australian War Memorial - visited the Hall of Memory, with its Tomb of the Unknown Australian Soldier

A page from the notebook (first reflection)

Day 4 (Wed)

On way to Snowy Mountains now. Finally, some quiet, personal time to stone and reflect, and a day to slightly rest... Just saw some super black cows grazing on yellow-green grasses in front of continous range of blue-green mountains, out in chilly early spring. =) Outside temp's <10 deg man, I wonder if the cows are trembling as they munch.

It's been a good trip thus far, very fruitful in terms of work - discussions for student OUAP, teacher attachment, teacher masters prog all off to good start; the rest of team's also friendly & nice, even the Heads (unlike what I had expected - super-serious, no-nonsense men-in-charge); weather's a nice change (cold and sometimes frosty, just wished I've brought along thicker clothing & covered work shoes instead of open-toe ones); and a lot of food too.

So yeah, overall, halfway through trip, all's good and I'm pretty happy, just thought it'd be better if we could have more zzz every night. Hope remaining half of trip would be just as smooth.

Photos I:

One of the many sharing sessions at institutions


Some beautiful flowers at "Floriade" at Commonwealth Park - Canberra's annual celebration of spring featuring international floral displays


Me outside the National Capital Exhibition Centre


Some of us trying out the high ropes courses at Outward Bound, Australia


At the Deep Space Tracking Station - one of NASA's only 3 tracking facilities in the world

Back and here come the updates!

ello ello!

sunnytears' home. apologies for having flown off without a note, and for being too floored to hook up the net to update while over there in aussie land. But had jotted down some reflections during those long coach rides, and took trillons pics, so over the next 3 entries, will share what I've gone thru in the past 9 days.

bon appetit!