With lots love. Take care back in temp home.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Johari Window
Yoohoo all, heard of the Johari Window?
It's invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing ourselves from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking our friends and colleagues to describe us from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.
I've set up my own Johari Window, so feel free to add your own take to it: http://kevan.org/johari?view=sunnytears
You can also set up your own Window at that site.
Happy Johari-ing. =)
It's invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing ourselves from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking our friends and colleagues to describe us from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.
I've set up my own Johari Window, so feel free to add your own take to it: http://kevan.org/johari?view=sunnytears
You can also set up your own Window at that site.
Happy Johari-ing. =)
waste
Tile. Remove. Re-tile. Re-remove. Re-re-tile. Re-re-remove. And it goes on.
That tiled pavement just next to the playground at the bottom of my block undergoes (and is undergoing) so many rounds of face-lift, one loses count. And for what may I ask, for at the end of each cosmetic surgery, it carries that same old look... same old alignment... same old pattern...
Dig and build, dig and build.
Madness. Waste of money, labour and time. Taxpayers' money, labourers' sweat and energy, everybody's time. The dust it generated pollutes the air too. And by cordoning off the area time and again, it deprives users of real use.
Not clever. And definitely not meaningful.
That tiled pavement just next to the playground at the bottom of my block undergoes (and is undergoing) so many rounds of face-lift, one loses count. And for what may I ask, for at the end of each cosmetic surgery, it carries that same old look... same old alignment... same old pattern...
Dig and build, dig and build.
Madness. Waste of money, labour and time. Taxpayers' money, labourers' sweat and energy, everybody's time. The dust it generated pollutes the air too. And by cordoning off the area time and again, it deprives users of real use.
Not clever. And definitely not meaningful.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
come back
One lunar year ago this time, I was in the ambulance, clasping my hands so tight the knuckles threatened to split, ma strapped down a few armlengths behind, hooked onto the oxygen tank, gradually slipping away.. The siren wailed but I heard none of it. Objects by the road glided by in a blur. One lunar year ago, from that moment onwards, everything changed forever.
I will remember every single minute. The pain is so raw, it is a sin to have survived it. One day later, it'd be grandad's lunar anniversary.
This double whammy, I guess I'd never be able to forgive the heavens for it.
I will remember every single minute. The pain is so raw, it is a sin to have survived it. One day later, it'd be grandad's lunar anniversary.
This double whammy, I guess I'd never be able to forgive the heavens for it.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
One choice, My choice
No need to agonize anymore. Tomorrow morning, I'd be going down NTU to support kid team at some research competition. Not likely to win, but heck, as long as they've enjoyed the whole process, and learnt something out of it - be it true-blue research skills or lifeskills such as cooperation and communication. To be inspired is the greatest and most lasting award of all.
The rest of colleagues can huff puff, and shuffle along to end-point.
The rest of colleagues can huff puff, and shuffle along to end-point.
Road Run
Tomorrow, our institution is having a road run. All that huffing and puffing along a 2.4/3.2/4.8km route. Frankly, it's been ages since the last time I donned my running shoes... Had initially wanted to use that event as an excuse to force sluggish body to shape up a bit, but then.. (excuses excuses).. the flu bug had to hit.. and now 90% recovered, I'm wondering if I should attempt it tomorrow.. but I haven't trained one bit, I'd prolly collapse within the first 10m. I have half the heart to just walk it, but the competitive side of me wanted to show that I can still nail it.
Hmmmm... Battle of the wills.
Hmmmm... Battle of the wills.
Monday, February 13, 2006
survival of the fittest
Hello all,
It's a stomach-churning, intestine-ripping, weak weak day today. Down with stomach flu. Yesterday nite, woke up at unholy hours to puke into the toilet bowl... purging out greenish-brown, unidentified chunks of semi-liquidfied mess - probably the half-digested coffee pork ribs and mushroom brocoli we had during reunion dinner earlier..
Papa's beaten by the bug too, a victim of common cold. Great timing.
Today I stayed in, and concussed for the whole afternoon, coaxing the bloated stomach to flatten and behave while lost in half-conscious slumber.
Grandaunt in hospital is recovering, no longer babbling eerie half-truths and hallucinating. No longer having so many tubes stuck into her bobbing green veins.
My fishes too, are recovering from a white spot epidermic that invaded last friday. One of them though, is still fighting for her dear life in small blue bucket. I think she may pull through. May Buddha bless her, and papa and me.
It's a stomach-churning, intestine-ripping, weak weak day today. Down with stomach flu. Yesterday nite, woke up at unholy hours to puke into the toilet bowl... purging out greenish-brown, unidentified chunks of semi-liquidfied mess - probably the half-digested coffee pork ribs and mushroom brocoli we had during reunion dinner earlier..
Papa's beaten by the bug too, a victim of common cold. Great timing.
Today I stayed in, and concussed for the whole afternoon, coaxing the bloated stomach to flatten and behave while lost in half-conscious slumber.
Grandaunt in hospital is recovering, no longer babbling eerie half-truths and hallucinating. No longer having so many tubes stuck into her bobbing green veins.
My fishes too, are recovering from a white spot epidermic that invaded last friday. One of them though, is still fighting for her dear life in small blue bucket. I think she may pull through. May Buddha bless her, and papa and me.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
What the
I am convinced that the heavens is playing a big joke. A nasty, cruel, evil, humourless joke. On a defenceless being.
Does it envy my love for the chinese new year? Does it envy the close-knitedness of my family? Does it envy my warmth, sincerity and 'sociability'?
Is it bloody hell trying to take all these away and more????????
Must bad things keep happening within this short span of a year and during this period? Is it trying to make me hate/fear the cny, physically and irreversibly separate my family, and turn me into a cold, negative, sceptical introvert???
This time, my grandaunt. A grand dame at 88, she fell and hit her back and head on Sunday. We went to A&E with other relatives. She was discharged as an outpatient because X-ray scans turned up no broken bones/blood clots. But tues (yesterday), she vomitted several times, and was admitted to stay. And I (damn it) just received that bloody phone call saying that her condition is critical, with heart beating at only 40% of norm.
Is this all a joke! If it is, then it is not in the least funny! All these stupid things are turning me into a cold, amoured creature, the exact opposite of how I used to be. Ma's and grandpa's passing are already making it very very difficult to get back on track. Now this, are you trying to make it impossible for me not to change?
So, what next??
From,
an angry, powerless, frustrated, perplexed, disheartened and disillusioned soul.
Does it envy my love for the chinese new year? Does it envy the close-knitedness of my family? Does it envy my warmth, sincerity and 'sociability'?
Is it bloody hell trying to take all these away and more????????
Must bad things keep happening within this short span of a year and during this period? Is it trying to make me hate/fear the cny, physically and irreversibly separate my family, and turn me into a cold, negative, sceptical introvert???
This time, my grandaunt. A grand dame at 88, she fell and hit her back and head on Sunday. We went to A&E with other relatives. She was discharged as an outpatient because X-ray scans turned up no broken bones/blood clots. But tues (yesterday), she vomitted several times, and was admitted to stay. And I (damn it) just received that bloody phone call saying that her condition is critical, with heart beating at only 40% of norm.
Is this all a joke! If it is, then it is not in the least funny! All these stupid things are turning me into a cold, amoured creature, the exact opposite of how I used to be. Ma's and grandpa's passing are already making it very very difficult to get back on track. Now this, are you trying to make it impossible for me not to change?
So, what next??
From,
an angry, powerless, frustrated, perplexed, disheartened and disillusioned soul.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
On a different journey
Grief, is always most easily expressed when alone.
The smallest of things can bring back the biggest wave of memories, and the tear ducts would leak. At first a small trickle, later a big uncontrollable rush. And if no one is around, the effect can easily snowball. The lonely echo encouraging increasingly louder sobs, perhaps a feeble attempt to convince oneself that he is not alone, that all is not lost, and that if he cries hard, loud and long enough, perhaps the lost one could hear and would return. And all would be well again.
It's a childish, desperate thought. A useless, self-pitying act. The lost is gone. And would never return. The only way to reunite would be to go on the same journey. And it is... sad to say, not now. Not yet.
It's alright to grief, isn't it? But is there a time to stop? If one keeps grieving, and never learns to let go, what would happen? Would the eyes become so swollen, they pop? Would tear ducts become so choked, they rot? Would the mind become so sad, it closes? Would friends once so dear, leave in exasperation? Would career once so promising, meander into dumps? Would health go? Would...
Never mind. It's ren(2) ri(4). Go and have your happy family dinner.
Never underestimate.. the power of love.
The smallest of things can bring back the biggest wave of memories, and the tear ducts would leak. At first a small trickle, later a big uncontrollable rush. And if no one is around, the effect can easily snowball. The lonely echo encouraging increasingly louder sobs, perhaps a feeble attempt to convince oneself that he is not alone, that all is not lost, and that if he cries hard, loud and long enough, perhaps the lost one could hear and would return. And all would be well again.
It's a childish, desperate thought. A useless, self-pitying act. The lost is gone. And would never return. The only way to reunite would be to go on the same journey. And it is... sad to say, not now. Not yet.
It's alright to grief, isn't it? But is there a time to stop? If one keeps grieving, and never learns to let go, what would happen? Would the eyes become so swollen, they pop? Would tear ducts become so choked, they rot? Would the mind become so sad, it closes? Would friends once so dear, leave in exasperation? Would career once so promising, meander into dumps? Would health go? Would...
Never mind. It's ren(2) ri(4). Go and have your happy family dinner.
Never underestimate.. the power of love.
Just some ramblings...
Time now is 1.49am. I am sitting on someone else's bed, listening to her pop "Farmer" brand peanuts into mouth while typing this, with some Louis Koo-stealing-car show playing on channel 8 in the background, and a rather creaky fan twirling for its dear life just a few centimetres away from me...
Nobody wants to sleep, for it's the precious friday night. Earlier on, a bunch of us 4 young ladies devoured a pseudo-buffet at cafe cartel - a crispy combo, a chicken chef salad, a tuna salad, a pan-fried linguine, 2 soup-of-days and 2 peachy drinks. Followed by a shift to Starbucks next door where it's mocha and vanilla latte time. It's shake ur bom-bom, stretch ur stomach time.
Tomorrow I'm going to some sec 4 gathering. Meeting people, some of whom I haven't talked to for many donkey years... I wonder how it'd be like. Whether I'm going to be in a sociable mood.
Oh! It's Chu Qi today - ren(2) ri(4). Happy Birthday everyone. Another year older, another year wiser I hope. Enjoy your day, alone or with some decade-old stranger-friends.
Nobody wants to sleep, for it's the precious friday night. Earlier on, a bunch of us 4 young ladies devoured a pseudo-buffet at cafe cartel - a crispy combo, a chicken chef salad, a tuna salad, a pan-fried linguine, 2 soup-of-days and 2 peachy drinks. Followed by a shift to Starbucks next door where it's mocha and vanilla latte time. It's shake ur bom-bom, stretch ur stomach time.
Tomorrow I'm going to some sec 4 gathering. Meeting people, some of whom I haven't talked to for many donkey years... I wonder how it'd be like. Whether I'm going to be in a sociable mood.
Oh! It's Chu Qi today - ren(2) ri(4). Happy Birthday everyone. Another year older, another year wiser I hope. Enjoy your day, alone or with some decade-old stranger-friends.
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